AstinaGT Forums - Funny things you've been sent lately...

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After having their 11th child, an Irish couple
decided that that was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his
wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called
a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A
less costly alternative was to go home, get a large fire-cracker,
light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear
and count to 10.

The husband said to the doctor, 'B'Jayzus, I may
not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting
a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with
my problem.'

'Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in
a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: '1,
2, 3, 4, 5,'at which point he paused, and placed the beer can
between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in New Zealand,
Tasmania, Moe and several suburbs in Brisbane.

HHHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAAHh sorry i dont no if it will work on me :(

Sarah was Palin punk'd by Montreal Comedy duo The Masked Avengers, who convinced her she was speaking to French president Nicolas Sarkozy. Audio here, transcript here.

It terrifies me to think that this woman holds a very real chance of one day picking up the red telephone.

awww thats gold only if it worked on real life

Got sent this earlier this morning. Read the comments!

Haha mussing thats hilarious and the fact he actually sold something Haha :D :D

I never look at the funnies on here cause i get my own kick at college humor so i may aswell post a few random ones ;p
prob my fav funny videos are on this site.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1817698

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1830672

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1809479

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1799967

CHRISTMAS PARTY

FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 1st November 2005
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 2nd November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM; Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2005
RE: The F******* Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: John, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 9th November 2005
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
John

HAHAHA just saw this on ninemsn and cant believe it...its hilarious

Quote:

Spider minus a leg sells for thousands12:00 AEST Fri Nov 14 20082 hours 48 minutes agoBy Matt Bachl, ninemsn

A hand-drawn digital picture of a seven-legged spider which became the subject of a widespread viral email has reportedly sold for $15,000 on eBay.

The spider story begins with an email exchange between an Adelaide man and an unnamed utility company.

The man, David Thorne, owes the company $233.95.

Instead of paying up, Mr Thorne sends the company a picture of a seven-legged spider which he "values at $233.95".

“[I] trust that this settles the matter,” he writes.

Click here to see how the exchange ends.

Mr Thorne, contacted by email, told ninemsn the exchange was legitimate and that the bill remains unpaid.

"I have changed [the company's representative's] last name and not mentioned the actual business name but apart from that the email correspondence is verbatim," he said.

"And no, I have still not paid the bill.

"The part about me having no money is also true."

A domain search of Mr Thorne's website reveals it is based in South Australia.

Visit his webite here.

After the exchange hit inboxes, the “original” drawing was put up for sale on eBay by a Swedish man.

"David Thorne was … kind enough to give the spider to me," eBay user “Andreas” says.

"However, this spider is driving me nuts. Also he's lacking a leg and thus is useless to me."

The listing shows there were 18 bids for the drawing, with a starting price of $233.95, and that it was sold for US$10,000 ($15,000).

The buyer is now obliged to pay because they have entered a legal contract, according to eBay spokeswoman Sian Kennedy.

"What people decide what they want to pay for items is up to them … it’s a binding contract, even if it’s a picture of a seven-legged spider," Ms Kennedy said.

"People can sell whatever they want on eBay and an email attachment is a physical product — it's not offence, or illegal, so if they can make $15,000 from it, good luck to them."

It would be highly unlikely the seller had registered separate accounts and bid on the item to increase its value, she said.

How tough are Aussies?

The scene is set - a dark night, cold wind blowing, campfire flickering, stars twinkling in the dark sky. Three hang-glider pilots are sitting by the campfire, one from Australia, one from Seth Efrika and one from New Zulland, each embroiled in the bravado for which they are famous.

The night of tales begins...Kiven the Kiwi says, 'I must be the meanest, toughest, heng glider there es. Why, jist the other day I linded in a field and scared a crocodeale, who came out of the swamp and ate sux min who were standen close by. I grebbed the crocodeale and wristled him to du ground and killed em with my beer hends'

Hansie from Seth Efrika who typically can't stand to be bettered said, 'Well you guys, I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng glider on a tiny trail, end a Namibian snike slid out from under a rock end made a move on me. I grebbed de borsted with me bare hinds end beet it's head off ind then sucked the poison from its body down in one gulp. End I'm still here today.'

Bruce, the Aussie, remained silent, but continued slowly poking the fire with his pen*s :eek:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cosmo Dude (Post 181097)

Seth Efrika and New Zulland

Hahahaha those accents are spot on.

There is one problem with the New Zulland quote, u didn't say "bro" once :P

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moons (Post 181104)

There is one problem with the New Zulland quote, u didn't say "bro" once :P

Sorry cuz. Want some Plinkton? It's choice bro.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Putonyourshoes (Post 180813)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKSXOr_VbWY

Thats awesome!