Should I give her a 2nd chance?

[mill_mobile]

So I have been seeing this chick for a while [about 2 months] and story is as follows:

So, on Friday night me and a mate went to an Aussie Hip Hop show and she didn't come coz she's not into that music.

I caught up with her on Saturday when she finished work and spend the rest of the day/night with her.

Everything was all good, and I dropped her off at work Sunday morning then saw her again Sunday arvo.

I went round to hers last night and we went for a drive, when we stopped at a park she kinda looked at me and looked upset... I asked if everything was ok and she burst into tears... She had told me she went to a friends place on Fri night and got mega para and thought her drink may have been spiked [she told me on Sat when I saw her - she has bruises on her arm and didnt know how they got there]... And that she hooked up with someone... I then proceeded to ask how far they went and she said all the way...
At first I comforted her tears and asked her some more questions, then I think it must've sunk in and I went quiet and shakey and sh*t.

The story is there was only one couch to sleep on and she got on it was he then jumped on and it 'just happened' - I found out also that he went in with no dom.
No matter how drunk I am, I can control that sh*t.
If she can still remember surely she would've had enough control to say no?

I know she is sorry, and she said it wouldn't happen again [she was balling pretty much the whole time], but I said what if you get that drunk and out of control again? She said she wouldn't but I said you didn't plan on it then either...
After a bit I dropped her home, I came home myself and went to my room and cracked a bottle.
I just have no idea what to do... Part of me is saying f her off and she can't be trusted...

I am meant to be going to a party with her on Saturday night, and apparently this bloke is gunna be there... Not sure if I still wanna go or not in case I start something.
He is lucky she has claimed to not know his last name, or I have a crew that would mess him up well and good - or if he wasn't too big I'd have a crack myself... But ARGH... This whole trust issue is there now... Yes, she told me...

Also, the night I first met her she wanted it off me - being the first time I met her I said no... So maybe she did initiate it? I have sent her a message asking if that was the case... If she says no then I still dunno... But if she says yes then I'm lettin her slip I think.

[-dc-]

should u give her a second chance.. HELL NO!. If that happens after 2 months somehow I i dont think she will change much, Cheaters dont change. plenty more fish in the sea buddy!

[sik astina]

Mick's girlfriend here.. From a girls perspective you need to let her go. If she goes to a friends place again without you can you honestly say you will be able to trust that she wont do this again? 2 months into your relationship and you are already having trust issues - not really a good sign. I mean, its a good thing she told you at least she was being honest, but at the end of the day if there is no trust there is no relationship.
As for the party you're meant to be going too on Saturday night with the other guy there, i dont recommend you going, but then again i dont recommend your girlfriend going either...if she goes without you i can guarantee you will be thinking its going to happen all over again.
Any updates on whether she initiated it yet? If she says no are you going to believe her?
Goodluck with it all!

[mill_mobile]

Thanks for the responses people.
My gut is saying no too...
Mick's GF - Thanks, from a girls perspective they are all valid points...
I am thinking about the whole if she goes to another party without me again thing too, and also the same regarding the party this Sat... If I'm not there he may try it on again... I don't think her not going is an option - It's her best friend.
No response on if she initiated it yet...

[sik astina]

Micks GF again You need to remember that it takes 2 to tango... and especially seeming she told you that they "slept" together it must have been consensual otherwise she would have told you that he forced himself on her...so when you say you are worried that HE might try it on her again, it may very well be the other way around. Go with your gut instinct, if you cant trust her then there really is nothing left...as you said earlier, if she was sober enough to remember it happening, then she was sober enough to have said no if she really didnt want it to happen.

[mill_mobile]

Originally Posted by sik astina

Micks GF again You need to remember that it takes 2 to tango... and especially seeming she told you that they "slept" together it must have been consensual otherwise she would have told you that he forced himself on her...so when you say you are worried that HE might try it on her again, it may very well be the other way around. Go with your gut instinct, if you cant trust her then there really is nothing left...as you said earlier, if she was sober enough to remember it happening, then she was sober enough to have said no if she really didnt want it to happen.

You have no idea how good it is to hear some of my thoughts coming from someone else... Makes me think I'm not so crazy and messed in the head.
Thanks a bunch.
Now I just gotta sort out sh*t.

[sik astina]

Sometimes its just good to get someone else's opinion...although if you were truely convinced that you could trust her again then i dont think you would have posted this in the first place so there is your answer I think you would be making the right decision to end it now... its going to be hard, but as -dc- said, there are plenty of other fish in the sea Nat

[mill_mobile]

Cheers
I think you are right.

[mill_mobile]

Ok, reply has come:
umm.. I don't remember trying anything on you at Amy's, you just said you were respectful of me and wouldn't do anything and I was happy with that.
I was just laying on the couch going to sleep and then he came onto me.. I know I should have said no, I wish there was some way I could take it back and make it never happen. I'm so sorry.

Meh, confused much

[so fresh]

i would let her go mate
still early in the relationship
an still wouldnt burn that much
an if it was to happen again,u may be in to
deep n burn bigtime.
but imo i'll let her go
(thats what i'll do,im gettin to old to play those games)
to much drama

[project.r.racing]

Pack all her sh!t up and leave if on her doorstep. You don't need sh!t like that in your life. Go find yourself someone respectful and classy. You deserve better.

[so fresh]

Originally Posted by project.r.racing

Go find yourself someone respectful and classy. You deserve better.

u can find them at church

[mill_mobile]

Originally Posted by project.r.racing

Pack all her sh!t up and leave if on her doorstep. You don't need sh!t like that in your life. Go find yourself someone respectful and classy. You deserve better.

Thanks, I know, I swear Tasmania doesn't have any that aren't taken by big footy boys, though.

[sik astina]

Ok, so she feels bad, and so she should, but at the end of the day she didnt say no, and if she truely cared about you then she would have said no. Thank her for her apology, but unfortunately you cant turn back time, whats happened has happened, there is no changing it. If you let her think she can get away with it now then whats going to stop her doing it again? Things like sleeping with someone doesnt just "happen"...she let it happen.... she ruined your trust, this is something that is always going to be on your mind if you dont let her go...whenever you go out and she is not with you is your mind going to be at rest and thinking she is being faithful? Or if you see her chatting to another guy when you are together are you going to wonder whether she is going to do something with him? If you cant answer no to both these questions then your relationship is over...i dont know about you but i couldnt be with someone that i couldnt trust, and you needing to confront her everytime you have these thoughts (which you will find you will need to do) will make more problems between the 2 of you. At the end of the day the decision is yours, but dont live wrapped in a security blanket... you need to do what will be right for you. Nat

[mill_mobile]

Originally Posted by so fresh

i would let her go mate
still early in the relationship
an still wouldnt burn that much
an if it was to happen again,u may be in to
deep n burn bigtime.
but imo i'll let her go
(thats what i'll do,im gettin to old to play those games)
to much drama

Fair call... I knew I could count on the AGT community to help me through this.
Thanks everyone.
I'm still having mixed thoughts though, but it always comes back to one answer... Not going back there.

[sik astina]

Originally Posted by mill_mobile

Thanks, I know, I swear Tasmania doesn't have any that aren't taken by big footy boys, though.

Dont lower your standards because you think all the good ones are taken...you deserve nothing less than the best! Nat

[mill_mobile]

Originally Posted by sik astina

Ok, so she feels bad, and so she should, but at the end of the day she didnt say no, and if she truely cared about you then she would have said no. Thank her for her apology, but unfortunately you cant turn back time, whats happened has happened, there is no changing it. If you let her think she can get away with it now then whats going to stop her doing it again? Things like sleeping with someone doesnt just "happen"...she let it happen.... she ruined your trust, this is something that is always going to be on your mind if you dont let her go...whenever you go out and she is not with you is your mind going to be at rest and thinking she is being faithful? Or if you see her chatting to another guy when you are together are you going to wonder whether she is going to do something with him? If you cant answer no to both these questions then your relationship is over...i dont know about you but i couldnt be with someone that i couldnt trust, and you needing to confront her everytime you have these thoughts (which you will find you will need to do) will make more problems between the 2 of you. At the end of the day the decision is yours, but dont live wrapped in a security blanket... you need to do what will be right for you. Nat

Ta, she sure has ruined my trust, and I don't se her ever getting it back.

[mill_mobile]

Originally Posted by sik astina

Dont lower your standards because you think all the good ones are taken...you deserve nothing less than the best! Nat

I wish these forums had a *like* button like facebook... I would hit it now

[sik astina]

Originally Posted by mill_mobile

Ta, she sure has ruined my trust, and I don't se her ever getting it back.

Then there is your answer. Relationships are built on trust.

[so fresh]

Originally Posted by sik astina

Dont lower your standards because you think all the good ones are taken...you deserve nothing less than the best! Nat

i agree,if u wanna find her,dont look for her.
sometimes when ur trying to find things u
dont always end up finding it
but u always find it by accident when your not lookin