Funny things you've been sent lately...

[Tom]

Originally Posted by Rupewrecht

OMG it's Peter Griffin*!

*That's Family Guy for all you non-believers.

oh god it so is lol.. and im SO going to hell now lol

[skitz]

i dont know if this has been seen before but i thought it was cool lol

kinda crappy quality though

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...885732&q=civic

[Ripper323]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means*a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
"Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... "

[skitz]

lol thats gold lol

[SehnKhan]

Awesome Mazda 3MPS Advertisement

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECl3maS5QuI

[skitz]

lol they should air that add i would buy one :P
better than the barina add where it is playing basketball

[Ripper323]

The bulls

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was that of breeding bulls.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little farther and saw another pen with a sign that said "This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."

The husband's condition has been reduced from critical to stable and he should make a full recovery.

[bourbon]

Hhhahahaahahah RIPPER thats a classic :P

[Rupewrecht]

Where was the toothbrush invented?

Tasmania. Anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.



---

Here's some just for you, Al

What do you call 500 collingwood fans at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

What do you do if you see a Collingwood Fan with half a face?
Stop laughing and reload!

[Ripper323]

Originally Posted by Rupewrecht

Where was the toothbrush invented?

Tasmania. Anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.



---

Here's some just for you, Al

What do you call 500 collingwood fans at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

What do you do if you see a Collingwood Fan with half a face?
Stop laughing and reload!

Ha ha, the first one almost applies to me as well, I lived in Tasmania nearly all my life, but wasn't born there

So, what is the definition of a Tasmanian virgin?
A girl who can run faster than her brother.

Why don't they sell family tickets at the cricket in Tasmania?
They would only sell one ticket for each game!

[bourbon]

How can a tasmanian mother tell if her daughters on her rags?
She tastes it on her sons p***s! hahaa i loved that one, the misses dad said it couldnt stop laughin for an hour!

[Ripper323]

Originally Posted by bourbon

How can a tasmanian mother tell if her daughters on her rags?
She tastes it on her sons p***s! hahaa i loved that one, the misses dad said it couldnt stop laughin for an hour!

Dude, that's so far below the belt I can feel it tickling my toes

[Rupewrecht]

ohh thats a shocker! lol

In the spirit of that one:

What do you call a Collingwood supporter that has an abortion?

Crime-stopper!

[Ripper323]

A nurse walks into a bank.

Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of
her purse and tries to write with it.

She looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat
says, "Well, that's great..........that's really great..........

Some a**hole's got my pen.

[mill_mobile]

Thought this was pretty good.....


A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says

"Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"

The koala says:

"Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.

But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard:

"What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says

"Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:

"Faaaaarrrrk n hell mate.......how much water did you drink?!!"

[Fro-Daddy]

http://www.flashbeer.com.au/

[Ripper323]

A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend,
in which all attendees were required to wear a mask. The wife got a
terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and
to make sure to say hello to her family. He, being a devoted husband,
protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin
and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled
by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain
and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband
didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun
by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with
him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume,
cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice “chick”
he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His
wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he
left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She
let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her
ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had
passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at
midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and
got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for
his outrageous behaviour.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of
time he had. “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good
time when you’re not there.” Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got
there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into
the spare room and played poker all evening.”

“You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker
all night!” she said with unashamed sarcasm.
“Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the
time of his life.”

[Fro-Daddy]

This is what the US Navy get up to on their "missions" :P

http://youtube.com/watch?v=DqaWdkdFb3Y

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QEkYqL9n7vo

[Tom]

hahaha the Hey Ya one was done really well

[Ripper323]

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section
and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of
dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere, " says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the
birds leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the
Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis
looks like a grand place. "


He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps
off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the
way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says,
"Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!

THERE'S MORE. . .

Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the pet shop
too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in
one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets
him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the
gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom
and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm
never trying dat parrotshooting either! "

IT IS NOT OVER YET. .

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean
appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out
of which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and
disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once
more Paddy shakes his head. "Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his
budgiejumping, den Seamus parrotshooting. . . and now Sean and his fook'n
hengliding! "