Funny things you've been sent lately... - Page 39

Kazz · 19-11-2007, 05:58 PM

Im pretty sure i say something i wish i had'nt every day :P

mill_mobile · 19-11-2007, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kazz

Im pretty sure i say something i wish i had'nt every day :P

Me too - especially to people i wish i hadnt!

bourbon · 19-11-2007, 08:59 PM

just like sayin "are you pregnant" to a fat lady

hahahaha... or "open your eyes" to a blind person

hahaha...or "say something" to mute, or "listen" to a deaf guy...

i love this... "i see said the blind man to the deaf man"

aahahahahahahaa im amused easily...

Cosmo Dude · 19-11-2007, 09:07 PM

Bourbs, I have three shovels... Take your pick, LOL

bourbon · 19-11-2007, 10:00 PM

the one in the middle...

Abaddon · 20-11-2007, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bourbon

just like sayin "are you pregnant" to a fat lady

hahahaha... or "open your eyes" to a blind person

hahaha...or "say something" to mute, or "listen" to a deaf guy...

Bourbs, I think you'll find you can say whatever you want to the deaf guy. I mean he can't hear you anyway (unless he reads lips, in which case just say "listen" in mock dubbed Kung Fu movie style). lol

mrpayner · 21-11-2007, 07:25 PM

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude ... my little Fifi is using that seat.'

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!'

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.'

KittyKatSmack · 23-11-2007, 12:07 AM

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and storing supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.

He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders, for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a government house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile.

The squirrel's food is seized and redistributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.

The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Australians apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.

A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel’s' food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.

Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug "Illness".

The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arrival in Australia.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10,000,000 and State the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million dollars each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END

RedLineResident · 27-11-2007, 07:42 PM

i don't know if this has been posted before on this forum somewhere but it is possibly the funnies thing I have read in about 6 months. Please read and laugh.

http://www.audiforums.com/m_693578/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm

DavoAust · 27-11-2007, 08:02 PM

omfg thats brilliant, i laughed so hard at that. i love it

http://forums.audiworld.com/a4/msgs/1567770.phtml <-- the original, with 191685 views

Smikey · 30-11-2007, 10:12 AM

Pro-street Romania

http://www.autoblog.com/2007/11/29/v...omanian-style/

GISS-90BG · 10-12-2007, 09:13 AM

Bumper sticker I saw the other day. I had a laugh...

"PATIENCE MY ASS! I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE!"

Smikey · 10-12-2007, 10:09 AM

Saw a rear windshield sticker on a barina,

"No, this is not my girlfriends car..."

Rupewrecht · 12-12-2007, 03:53 PM

Hey Gav, why isn't yours this fast? LOL

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Mazda...spagenameZWDVW

bourbon · 12-12-2007, 04:21 PM

who thinks hes full of ****...what sort of LAND SPEED RECORD BREAKING car has bloody backseats...thing looks like a pile of **** to...and i thought my engine bay was messy...

SehnKhan · 12-12-2007, 04:28 PM

Tell him he's dreamin'!

DavoAust · 12-12-2007, 06:46 PM

nfw that thing reached 176mph without breaking up. thats 283.24kph and its damn freaky being in a xr6 breaking 200 when you get speed wobble and thats gotta be a hell of a lot more solid that that beater. more like its done 17.6mph lol

GISS-90BG · 12-12-2007, 07:22 PM

Eh. /shrug Might be possible. As for having the back seats in there. Could be weigh distribution or to do with the roll cage.

Still looks like a fun car.

bourbon · 12-12-2007, 08:20 PM

hhahhahaaahaha davoaust..i dont no what your on but i no someone (close to me

) who has done 190km/h with out any issues of speed wobbles...and i know if i get in the xr6t bf falcon its smooth as anythin and wouldnt get the wobbles...

Rupewrecht · 12-12-2007, 08:45 PM

And it all depends what class it was running in!

On the salt flats, doing 280 would be like doing 130 in a normal car.

19-11-2007, 08:59 PM	#763
bourbon The Hairy Mod Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: southside ya'll and North Side, Brissy Car: MINI Cooper S 2003 Posts: 8,110	just like sayin "are you pregnant" to a fat lady hahahaha... or "open your eyes" to a blind person hahaha...or "say something" to mute, or "listen" to a deaf guy... i love this... "i see said the blind man to the deaf man" aahahahahahahaa im amused easily... __________________ For All your crash repair panels & lights, clear lights contact us at PANEL HOUSE 45 RANDALL ST SLACKS CREEK QLD 4127 PHONE : 07 3808 8737 FAX : 07 3808 8735

19-11-2007, 09:07 PM	#764
Cosmo Dude コスモ Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Location: Vic Car: Mazda '95 Astina I4, '86 B2K and '10 3 MZR-CD Posts: 7,888 View Photos By: Cosmo Dude	Bourbs, I have three shovels... Take your pick, LOL __________________ My 'stina Hatch

19-11-2007, 10:00 PM	#765
bourbon The Hairy Mod Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: southside ya'll and North Side, Brissy Car: MINI Cooper S 2003 Posts: 8,110	the one in the middle... __________________ For All your crash repair panels & lights, clear lights contact us at PANEL HOUSE 45 RANDALL ST SLACKS CREEK QLD 4127 PHONE : 07 3808 8737 FAX : 07 3808 8735

21-11-2007, 07:25 PM	#767
mrpayner Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: -37.561609, 143.854814 Car: 2013 Mazda 6 GT Sedan - Soul Red Posts: 3,517 View Photos By: mrpayner	The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude ... my little Fifi is using that seat.' The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.' She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!' This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!' An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.' __________________ 2013 Mazda6 Diesel GT ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[Formerly] 2004 Mazda6 Luxury Sport

23-11-2007, 12:07 AM	#768
KittyKatSmack Banned Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Australia Car: Mazda Posts: 3,961	Complicated and yet, so true - be afraid, be very afraid - oh, & where's my million? REST OF THE WORLD VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and storing supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. THE END THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre. In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders, for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a government house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and redistributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Australians apparent love of dogs. The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards. A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel’s' food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug "Illness". The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arrival in Australia. The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10,000,000 and State the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats. The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister. The cats are paid a million dollars each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia. The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds. THE END

19-11-2007, 05:58 PM	#761
Kazz Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Dakabin Car: Bommodore Posts: 207	Im pretty sure i say something i wish i had'nt every day :P

27-11-2007, 07:42 PM	#769
RedLineResident Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Adelaide Car: BA V6 Hardtop 5 Speed & 97 Prelude VTIR Posts: 1,518 View Photos By: RedLineResident	i don't know if this has been posted before on this forum somewhere but it is possibly the funnies thing I have read in about 6 months. Please read and laugh. http://www.audiforums.com/m_693578/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm __________________ "Amateurs practice until they get it right." "Professionals practice until they can't get it wrong."

27-11-2007, 08:02 PM	#770
DavoAust Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Brisbane Car: Red '93 3000GT / Black '08 Ninja 250R Posts: 2,930 View Photos By: DavoAust	omfg thats brilliant, i laughed so hard at that. i love it http://forums.audiworld.com/a4/msgs/1567770.phtml <-- the original, with 191685 views __________________ Understeer is when you hit the wall with the front of the car and oversteer is when you hit the wall with the rear of the car. Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall, torque is how far you take the wall with you. '97 1.8L Hardtop '93 3.0L TT 3000GT Last edited by DavoAust; 27-11-2007 at 08:06 PM.

30-11-2007, 10:12 AM	#771
Smikey AstinaGT Regular Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Sydney Car: BA '97 Astina Posts: 452	Pro-street Romania http://www.autoblog.com/2007/11/29/v...omanian-style/ __________________ Just Do It - Smikey

10-12-2007, 09:13 AM	#772
GISS-90BG Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Adelaide, Somerton Park Car: 1990 BG Astina Posts: 248 View Photos By: GISS-90BG	Bumper sticker I saw the other day. I had a laugh... "PATIENCE MY ASS! I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE!" __________________

10-12-2007, 10:09 AM	#773
Smikey AstinaGT Regular Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Sydney Car: BA '97 Astina Posts: 452	Saw a rear windshield sticker on a barina, "No, this is not my girlfriends car..." __________________ Just Do It - Smikey

12-12-2007, 03:53 PM	#774
Rupewrecht Administrator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: melb.vic.au Car: AZ-1, Astina Hardtop Turbo, BJ Protege, Beetle Posts: 16,525 View Photos By: Rupewrecht	Hey Gav, why isn't yours this fast? LOL http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Mazda...spagenameZWDVW __________________ jdmparts.rupewrecht.com Sourcing your not-quite-overnight parts from Japan WRECHT--\|--SLOWTEGE--\|--BEETLE--\|--SUBSTITUTE--\|--AZ-1

12-12-2007, 04:21 PM	#775
bourbon The Hairy Mod Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: southside ya'll and North Side, Brissy Car: MINI Cooper S 2003 Posts: 8,110	who thinks hes full of **...what sort of LAND SPEED RECORD BREAKING car has bloody backseats...thing looks like a pile of to...and i thought my engine bay was messy... __________________ For All your crash repair panels & lights, clear lights contact us at PANEL HOUSE 45 RANDALL ST SLACKS CREEK QLD 4127 PHONE : 07 3808 8737 FAX : 07 3808 8735**

12-12-2007, 04:28 PM	#776
SehnKhan Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: . Car: . Posts: 1,789	Tell him he's dreamin'!

12-12-2007, 06:46 PM	#777
DavoAust Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Brisbane Car: Red '93 3000GT / Black '08 Ninja 250R Posts: 2,930 View Photos By: DavoAust	nfw that thing reached 176mph without breaking up. thats 283.24kph and its damn freaky being in a xr6 breaking 200 when you get speed wobble and thats gotta be a hell of a lot more solid that that beater. more like its done 17.6mph lol __________________ Understeer is when you hit the wall with the front of the car and oversteer is when you hit the wall with the rear of the car. Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall, torque is how far you take the wall with you. '97 1.8L Hardtop '93 3.0L TT 3000GT

12-12-2007, 07:22 PM	#778
GISS-90BG Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Adelaide, Somerton Park Car: 1990 BG Astina Posts: 248 View Photos By: GISS-90BG	Eh. /shrug Might be possible. As for having the back seats in there. Could be weigh distribution or to do with the roll cage. Still looks like a fun car. __________________

12-12-2007, 08:20 PM	#779
bourbon The Hairy Mod Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: southside ya'll and North Side, Brissy Car: MINI Cooper S 2003 Posts: 8,110	hhahhahaaahaha davoaust..i dont no what your on but i no someone (close to me ) who has done 190km/h with out any issues of speed wobbles...and i know if i get in the xr6t bf falcon its smooth as anythin and wouldnt get the wobbles... __________________ For All your crash repair panels & lights, clear lights contact us at PANEL HOUSE 45 RANDALL ST SLACKS CREEK QLD 4127 PHONE : 07 3808 8737 FAX : 07 3808 8735

12-12-2007, 08:45 PM	#780
Rupewrecht Administrator Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: melb.vic.au Car: AZ-1, Astina Hardtop Turbo, BJ Protege, Beetle Posts: 16,525 View Photos By: Rupewrecht	And it all depends what class it was running in! On the salt flats, doing 280 would be like doing 130 in a normal car. __________________ jdmparts.rupewrecht.com Sourcing your not-quite-overnight parts from Japan WRECHT--\|--SLOWTEGE--\|--BEETLE--\|--SUBSTITUTE--\|--AZ-1

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