funniest thing you've heard lately?

[Cosmo Dude]

Only 11.83432% - Geekish Tendencies.

Rod

I have more cars than computers and have not yet loaded Linux into the Rx-7.

[.::Astina|Brad::.]

4.53649% - Poser Maybe if they asked more Mac questions my geekness would have risen alittle.

[azaudio]

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the woods when they come across a golden frog. They think this is an amazing discovery and they are even more amazed when it talks to them. The golden frog admits that he is a magical frog, and doesn't often meet other residents of the forest, but when he does, he grants them three wishes each.

The bear immediately asks that all the other bears in the forest be female. The frog immediately grants this wish.

The rabbit, after thinking for a while, asks for a crash helmet and one appears, which he places on his head.

The bear is amazed at this, but carries on with his next wish. He asks that all the bears in the neighboring forests be female as well.

This wish is also fulfilled.

The rabbit then wishes that he could have a motorcycle. It appears before him, and he climbs on board and starts revving the engine.

The bear cannot believe it. He remarks to the rabbit that he has wasted two wishes. Then, shaking his head, he makes his final wish, "I wish that all the other bears in the world be female as well."

The frog replies that it has been done and they both turn to the rabbit for his last wish.

The rabbit thinks for a second, then revs up the engine and says, "I wish for the bear to be gay!" and promptly drives off as fast as he can.

[azaudio]

A man has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face again. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face once more. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and goes to sleep.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him yelling at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"How did you know?" he asks.

She replies, "The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again

[Sandyman]

those two were very good.

[Rupewrecht]

a little birdie tells me that Jynx got 26%.... :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Sandyman]

one of satan's many guises

[JynX]

Damn Vix... Well she did give me your pic

[CRA23]

20.11834% - Geek

yey im a geek and i know it


but a geek with a nice car

[bmk]

For lonely nights.. lol

[mrpayner]

:lol:



AP

[mrpayner]

CAUTION - MAY OFFEND SOME VIEWERS!

Male comebacks to female comebacks to male pick up lines


Man - Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman - Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man - Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a fat slut

Man - Is this seat empty?
Woman - Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man - There's no need to get on your knees and suck on my c*ck just yet, we've only just met!!!

Man - Your place or mine?
Woman - Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man - That's cool, cause after I'm done shagging you in the back of my car, I don't give a s*it where you go.

Man - So, what do you do for a living?
Woman - I'm a female impersonator.
Man - That explains the moustache then!

Man - How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman - Unfertilised.
Man - No problem, I'll just shoot my load up your a*se.

Man - I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman - But would you stay there?
Man - Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick that is impossible to shake off once you've been shagged.

Man - You're pretty
Woman - P*ss off.
Man - Don't interrupt, You're pretty ugly, you fat b*tch.

[Sandyman]

gold mate, gold

[Cosmo Dude]

I'll have to try some of those Adam
After a five or six scotches the fifth slap in the face doesn't hurt :lol: By then tho my pick-up line is 'Wanna F@#k?' :wink:

Rod

[JynX]

I think this applies to dan and others....

[Rupewrecht]

FEMALE PRAYER:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.

One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who's loves to listen long.

One who thinks before he speaks.
When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed.
When I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind.
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end.
And never attempt to hit on my friend.
*
*
*
*
MALE PRAYER:

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a
liquor store. Amen

[KittyKatSmack]

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.
The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain
there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would
buy her another place.

The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own
there, to pack up her things. While he was gone, the first day she lovingly
put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases. On the
second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third
day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music
playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a
bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room
and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the
curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the
first few days. Then it started; slowly but surely. Clueless, the man could
not explain why the place smelled so bad. They tried everything; cleaned
& mopped and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents,
carpets were steam cleaned, Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in; the carpets were replaced and on it went.

Finally, they could take it no more and decided to move.

The moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job
taking everything to their new home;
......including the curtain rods.

[Toyboy]

:lol: Heres another 1 for yas :wink:

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."
"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"

"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."

[kyra]

2.16963% - Poser

wtf? i should be geekfest! haha.

[CityEnd]

HU'S ON FIRST By James Sherman
(We take you now to the Oval Office. Conversation btw Condoleeza
Rice and Bush)

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get
Chinese food in the Middle East