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Old 08-03-2006, 12:03 PM   #81
the michelinman
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hears one for you guys

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Jesus said to those who believed in him "if you obey my teaching, you are really my disciples; you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." JOHN:8:31-32

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Old 08-03-2006, 12:07 PM   #82
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omg, that is absolutely GOLD
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Old 08-03-2006, 04:18 PM   #83
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soooo photoshopped though
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Old 08-03-2006, 04:51 PM   #84
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ivee seen that same pic but with "need a crap" written on there...
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Old 10-03-2006, 10:28 PM   #85
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kill bill mario style

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZOwHbSmCv4
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Old 11-03-2006, 01:17 AM   #86
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Golden haha love it......
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Old 11-03-2006, 06:05 PM   #87
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confucious say: "man who keep hand in pocket may cum in handy"
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Old 11-03-2006, 09:02 PM   #88
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confucious also say: "man who keep hand in pocket tends to feel cocky"
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Old 11-03-2006, 09:13 PM   #89
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Three women were sitting in a bar, (brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant.

The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other two asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I conceived so i will have a boy".

The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived.

The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!"
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Old 14-03-2006, 05:03 PM   #90
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Have been busy getting quotes to ship parts from US to here and found this
May have been posted before but take it or leave it
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...01990250175607
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Old 14-03-2006, 05:09 PM   #91
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lol.
love how he gets stomped on.
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Old 14-03-2006, 10:19 PM   #92
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splat
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I THINK I AM N2!
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Old 16-03-2006, 03:52 PM   #93
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Basic rules for driving in Sydney Australia.

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Sydney Driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave any distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

8. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

9. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.

10. Learn to swerve abruptly. Sydney is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to the RTA, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

11. It is traditional in Sydney to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

12. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

13. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

14. Remember that the goal of every Sydney driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

15. Real Sydney women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75 k/ph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

16. Real Sydney men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 75k/ph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

17. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

18. There is a common held belief in Sydney that highspeed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front.

19. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because they have brakes.

20. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always find a detour around Mt Druit, Lakemba, Punchbowl and Cabramatta.

21. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way street.

22. It's O.K when driving in Sydney's Western suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "arsehole". But it is imperative you are driving a turbo charged 5 litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.
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Old 17-03-2006, 03:42 PM   #94
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http://www.soufoaklin.com/tattooartist.html
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Old 17-03-2006, 06:26 PM   #95
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fro-Daddy
Clasic, I've read another one about an english lad who found out that his tattoo said 'this is realy an ugly boy'
I wonder if chineese have tattoos whith english words they don't understand
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Old 18-03-2006, 05:06 PM   #96
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thats so true about sydeny!!!.......lol, is there a melbourne one? going around?
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Old 19-03-2006, 09:01 AM   #97
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When I was about 14 I was watching "Monkey Magic" and in one of the earlier episodes Monkey must try to fly "off" Buddahs hand. Flying his cloud to what he thought were the 5 pillars at the end of the universe he decided to take a leak on them and write graffiti to prove he made it there (only to later find out he wizzed on Buddahs fingers). Anyway he wrote : King Monkey, Great Sage equal of heaven was here Whilst watching this with my young boy innocence my Asian aunty (who normally didn't get jokes) began to laugh
We were puzzled and asked why and she said that he didn't write what Monkey said he did........
He wrote King Monkey, Great Sage, equal of heaven went swimming
we now found this quite funny also


Im old dammit
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Old 21-03-2006, 11:30 AM   #98
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this is something i saw on another forum

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the car impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?


ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.



ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.



ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.



ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?



ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..



ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?



ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....



ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?



ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?



ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?



ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.



ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.



ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.



ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!



ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?



ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.
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Old 23-03-2006, 11:21 AM   #99
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http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c1.../carlsberg.jpg

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Old 23-03-2006, 12:03 PM   #100
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If only..
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