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Old 27-06-2016, 09:32 PM   #1
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MadazInBris's Avatar
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Brisbane
Car: '96 Astina, '90 BG, '91BG, 92 SP BG & a partridge in a pear tree..
Posts: 296
Post Dating Site LOL's

Any of you poor sods on a Dating Site ?

This profile of mine has taken YEARS to perfect..
Feel free to use it in full or part or as a template

About Me
Male 53

Ferny Grove | Queensland | Australia

Don't cha wish your boyfriend was CUTE like me?..
Don't cha wish your boyfriend was SWEET like me?..
Don't cha?..
Don't cha?..
Don't cha wish your boyfriend was NEAT like me?..
Don't cha wish your boyfriend was FUNNY like me?..
Don't cha?..
Don't cha??

And a joyous 'welcome' to the wonderful World of online Dating where you'll be pestered by 20yo's & overseas scammers BECAUSE you haven't set your preferences here correctly & where every guy thinks he's Casanova incarnate but then again who can blame them I guess ?
When 8/10 profiles aren't actually there / with hidden photos for
(of course) you're so drop dead glamorous (not) & with enough basic spelling mistakes to make you sound like a complete idiot whom never got past Grade 7 & that'll do anything with anyone (lols)

Here you'll find everyone from the morally bankrupt to homeless people just wanting a warm place for a few nights & the ever popular Logan bogans of who's msgs will just hurt your brain & make your eyes bleed...
ur da wuns tht hng wit der kidz way2 muc nd iz kool 2 tipe lyks dis..

Ok Ladies let's break down online dating to percentages shall we ?
Now in a totally ultimate "worse case" scenario let's say:
99.75% of guys on here are full of CRAP.
98.60% of Women aren't that much better..

Now, if you stop to smell the virtual Roses & actually think
about it, in just a few 'SHORT' years (metaphorically speaking)
from now there's really going to be a LOT of 60yo Women on here
STILL that will be hoping / praying that their heavily wrinkled
& saggy breasted bodies are going to be still appealing to the
tall / dark / handsome / rich guys who are now in their seeking
range of 15-20-30 years their JUNIOR !!
Worked so well for Demi Moore obviously - lols

Will totally suck to be them then eh ??

If I may use a quote from Animal Farm ?
All animals are created equal
but some animals are created more equal than others.. ;o)

So where does that leave the rest of us then hmmmm ?

Look I'm not fiddling the books here as I've been playing the "GAME" here on OASIS now since 2003 & I can tell crap when I read it and 10-20yo photos taken on a 2MP camera when I see them lol's..
Trying to be a scammer with me ? -> GOOD LUCK !!

Luckily for myself I did take a 6 year 'break' but unfortunately that didn't turn out well because (not a hard guess) I'm still here - lol

So... If you're in the 98.6 percentile that includes so many varying factors that pertain to your intelligence, your choice of how you present your profile / your username & the age seeking criteria you have entered, I won't/can't be bothered to boor you with the true nasty facts ( you already know "yourself" don't you ? ) but ultimately "if" and ONLY *if* you make it to the end of my profile you may then actually see where I'm coming from & possibly be then of which I'm seeking ?

If you try & "LIKE ME" & then receive this message:
>> This person does not want to be contacted <<
Either you didn't read my Profile until it's conclusion OR yes indeed you ARE the Worlds dumbest Nigerian scammer ever born !!

Old joke but really oh so relevant here:
"What's a girl LIKE YOU doing in a NICE place like THIS ?

sniff sniff... I smell skank & it smells BAD >> peeeeeeouu..... /
Bit like a Brisbane River mullet left in the fishing creel..

Quick insight to myself..
Art was my major in High School, followed by English (funny that)
then by Science & Biology (yes I do know the Female form) &
alas came Mathematics a sad runner up in 4th place......

So if ya thiks ur cn climb up da laddr n go up a rung or 3..
Think again !

Anyway - Enjoy whatever or 'whoever' you're doing & SMILE ) xxox

I hate writing cliche's but please be sane, sorted, seemingly smart, stupendously silly, sometimes serious, soulfully smiling, surely sassy, simply short, sensuously sexy & seriously above all else
NOT be stupidly sinfully slutty sallow & shallow... sigh /

I'm all of them thur gud F words. ;o)
Fun, friendly, frivolous, fearless, forever funny, fairly fit,
frighteningly flirty with a fabulous Female, free & NOT FAT.
Oh and.. Fashionably fine for Fifty three - whew.....

Dare you to try reading that out aloud after a few Wines !!
chuckling here..

I'm actually nothing special per se', just a guy who did finish well in High School & is looking for (in my eyes) a beautiful Woman who knows where we're both coming from & where we're wanting to go
in life, as a couple hand in hand together just to be very happy. xx
Simple eh ?

Ke sera sera.. Whatever will be will be...
I'm not looking for a Rhodes Scholar (I'm certainly not one) but it would be just so nice to find a slightly educated Woman that can
string a few words together & by a total feat of genius then manages
to complete a fairly readable profile that wasn't written either by a
7th Grader or in the 3rd person parse'..

Oddly tho' there seems to generally be a height to intelligence ratio going on here for as a Woman gets taller (+5'8), the better reading her profile gets !! >>> I am NOT kidding - Damn frustrating actually :/

Would be bloody fantastic if some of you put on your glasses &
then actually read your own profiles thus revealing that you indeed are a Woman & NOT a women, that you like quiet times not quite times, that wining & dining is far better than maybe winning
(Charlie Sheen may disagree) & dinning (AC/DC may object) and that comon sence/scents/sense is not all that common & yes all the descent guys may still be decent & go down if you ask them nicely. PMSL !

Perhaps now, suddenly outa the blue you think maybe..
"did I really write that ? How drunk was I ??" lol...

To seize to hold to grasp of today as if it's your very last.
For yes some time soon it too shall also finish and pass.
A love so long now forgotten from a heart so besotten.
To give up or to just cry that's not quite yet the bottom.

Feelings of trust linger and lost then once more pain.
To lust ever more in for what was yours can you gain.
A heart once enraptured that with mine combined as one.
For then to look & see your face as radiant as the sun.


Perchance a little too deep for a mere Dating Site profile ?

Please don't mistake my eloquence with the written word as thinking that I'm being arrogant or up myself in any way...
I've really have had way too many contacts on here via the keyboard with apparently 'intelligent' & educated Women with mediocre profiles that make very little sense with loads of spelling errors (some with Post Grad / Bachelors Degrees) and they think they are smart but I'm guessing these "Degrees" are somewhat honorary or were obtained with quite a few $$$ from a Weet-Bix or Cornflakes packet

Also generally they state that they only watch SBS & listen to TripleJ, thus alluding to the fact of their 'supposed' higher intellect, well then I'd suggest picking up a Dictionary & a Thesaurus ever so occasionally & maybe putting those 7-9 years of so-called book lernin' edjumicational skillz to work !
giggling uncontrollably now..... ;o)

But alas this all is really is beginning to get to me.. sigh.

I very rarely "like" anyone on here for there's not much to LIKE..
>>>>>>>> Shakes head & wanders off thinking seriously about composing a poem 'Ode to dating stupidity' _ I can and will ;o) lol

Here we all are on Oasis, where too many have no faces.
Whether sunglassed blurry hidden and there's no trace.

Some don't know their real age, height or weight.
Or even what they want from that possible date.

True the guys that're here are after fun & good times.
Mostly married & cheating what a total bunch of slimes.

But the same too can be said for the fairer of Sex's.
With egos bruised & battered, so not over their ex's.

Just looking for someone to give you some attention.
And 'finding' yourself, yes of this I really had to mention.

Of these words I've written please don't take any offense.
For they obviously do work from both sides of the fence.

With profiles all blank with nothing to say.......
So go ahead message me and MAKE MY DAY !

Warmest wishes, Gordon x

What I'm Looking For
What would you do if a total stranger slowly but surely walked up to you, then ever so gently with his finger tips just lightly brushing your face, kissed you tenderly on your lips & took away your breath..

Oh that's right, most never meet anyone that nice....

* I would love someone to grow silly with *
My preferred age range is 47-55 but had to broaden it well 'because'..

I'm neither here to be your Jenny Craig 'life coach'
or nor do I want to be your constant English Teacher :/

ie: yer havn msgs snt 2me n txt tork drvs me NUTZ !!!!!

I've got absolutely nothing against a person being dyslexic BUT
really am irritated when ur soz totes bogan that I'd need to get
my 23yo Daughter over here to translate your every message !

Seriously just stick with your usual group of unemployed/tradie
snot blowing, knuckle dragging, Harley riding, neck tattooed, herpaderp kind of guys & get the flamin' heckoutamysandpit D
Being Female AND breathing is NOT enough for this fellow..

*The Pit* - For the UBER emotionally disenfranchised.

Looking down deeply inside there's nothing left to hide.
Stripped bare of all hope & dreams to where I want to scream.

The pit of despair grips me I can't breath there's just no air.
Do I climb up or slide back down I really truly just don't care.

Always to try & do what's right but sleep won't come tonight.
Your mind races with thoughts of times past that didn't last.

The future's so bleak, your bodies weak with nothing to seek.
It's hard to come back into the light,
the depth is as dark as night.

Fighting back on the walls closing in on your mind every day.
There's no words, no expression of feelings of what to say.

Random desperate thoughts & images casually that float about.
Waking sweat soaked from dreams you scream & you shout.

Leave me alone leave me be for I'm just a person can't you see.
What was once now is the past, the future may be or may not last.

Grasping & clinging on for a bit longer wishing I was a bit stronger.
Everything you try nothing seems good as you go on for longer.

That's it now as I lie here and pray for sleep.
Tomorrows another day I may or may not keep.....

Speed is subjective to only how far you keep your right foot down..

Last edited by MadazInBris; 30-06-2016 at 11:23 PM.
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Old 10-12-2019, 09:53 PM   #2
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Berlin
Car: stuff
Posts: 1
That blew me away from the first quote. LMAO
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